


I'm Bad At Life

by FilthyPassion



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 06:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16112975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FilthyPassion/pseuds/FilthyPassion
Summary: A song by Falling In Reverse turned Kevamie





	I'm Bad At Life

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I'm Bad At Life](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/420026) by Falling In Reverse. 



Hey girl, I'm in love with you  
But the world doesn't want me to 

 

Kevin woke up that morning at 4 am. His body huddled close to a sleeping Jamie. Yesterday was hell, the town found out they had been dating and it wasn't Jamie who got all the backlash. People felt bad for him, but when Kevin was even mentioned they blew up. 

"Jamie deserves better!" Nanefua rallied a group together chanting these words in Kevin's face. Jamie had such a fan base, it left him with a headache. 

"He's not forcing you into this is he?" Kevin heard someone ask Jamie, and people started questioning Jamie and nagging him for answers when they didn't get the one they wanted. 

"I heard somewhere that he started doing drugs!" 

"Isn't he that asshole who made Steven and Connie uncomfortable?" 

"He's never in town anyway, maybe he's here for a scam.." 

"He's probably cheating on Jamie, he deserves so much better." 

Kevin's headache returned just thinking about it. He hugged Jamie closer and nestled his face into the other boy's neck, breathing him in. The town's reaction took a lot out of both of them. And Kevin wanted to make that up to Jamie somehow, but he knew there would be little interaction between them today. 

 

I'm not well, I am sick  
The best kind of sick that one can get  
So you can't believe a word they say  
About the person I am today 

 

The worst part of all of that was the conversation on the ride home. 

"I'm sorry.." Jamie crossed his arms in the seat 

"Not your fault, Kevin" He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

"But it is my fault, I'm a fuck up. Everyone hates me, they'll hate you now."

"Oh yeah like I had no clue? I thought we were passed this!" Jamie groaned and covered his face with his hands. 

"Listen, I know it's hard but-"

"Hard- Hah! Yeah easy for you to say. Do you know how hard it is to see all these people all the time and WATCH THEM close in on you like you have a mental condition?"

"N-no"

"That's because people despise you Kevin! Because you're such an asshole to everyone and instead of leaving you could have stayed by my side!" Kevin glanced at Jamie who was fuming in anger, anger he really couldn't place.

"I was there, Jamie. I saw it all I lived it too." 

"You don't get it Kevin."

"Then make me understand!"

"Not worth it."

As Kevin remembered that he felt a distant ache in his heart, slow and resentful. He pulled away from Jamie and lied on the other side of the bed facing the ceiling. He really was a fuck up, he couldn't do anything as he saw his Jamie, his sweet innocent and lovely Jamie, fall victim to the anger he always kept inside. Kevin had to learn to control it still because his disdain for the world was too huge. Everything was falling apart, his head and body, heart and mind. He looked over to the alarm clock on Jamie's dresser. 4:20 am. He should go home. 

 

If all else fails, just think instead  
At least you know I'm good in bed 

 

Something stopped him from moving, though. He really didn't want to leave, he wanted to figure this out and not be what everyone thinks he is. Because there was more to him, something Jamie saw in him, he hoped, that made him worth something. Even if Jamie eventually found him worthless like everyone else he could do one thing, one good thing that everyone probably assumed he would.

 

So trace the lines of my tattoos

Whisper that you love me too  
We might as well no matter what  
They think I suck...

But I don't give a fff... 

 

Kevin was certainly not going back to sleep that night. He wanted to savor this last quiet moment with Jamie, but it was also the daunting knowledge that eventually there wouldn't just be an end, but there would be an explosion. And Kevin would say the wrong thing or nothing at all. He couldn't help think of all these things tearing him apart. 

So don't hold your breath for me  
But watching you turn blue would be comforting 

He looked back over to Jamie, staring at his lover and wondering why this mattered to much. Jamie had never been the type to care about the societal image of things. He was invested in love and movies and acting, being weird beyond what matters and having fun. Why couldn't they have that back? It was only one argument and one cold shoulder. There was still room for more love than one crack in it, wasn't there? It's time likes these he really just wanted to fucking kill someone or himself, and judging by the two people in the room it would likely be the latter. 

 

I told you once, I'll tell you twice  
I'll give you bad advice because I'm bad at life  
I'm bad at life

 

Jamie stirred in his sleep and Kevin looked over to him, then the alarm clock. It was almost six and Kevin had barely slept, but he really couldn't care, he just wanted the morning to pass by quickly. He groaned and dragged his hands down his face, it was so pointless being here and waiting. The only thing he needed couldn't be given, and the cold between him and happiness was bitter and couldn't be controlled. What was really so bad about the town knowing about Jamie and his relationship? Yeah, Kevin was a shit person to all of them, he was trying to be better for Jamie, but bad habits are hard to kill. He had to give himself a fucking "pep-talk" because there was no one he could go through the day of face Jamie without looking pathetic. 

 

Hey girl, let's get out of here  
View the world in the rear-view mirror  
Just me and you with nothing to lose  
Electric love and something to prove 

 

Jamie started to wake up, stretching and almost hitting Kevin in the face his sat up and walked out of bed, not even glancing in Kevin's direction. He started to change in the room and Kevin still watched every movement. Jamie was perfection, and he was physically being ghosted by the one person he cared about. Great. That's how this was going to go. Jamie walked out of the room in his mail uniform and a hard face on. Kevin untangled himself from the sheets and chased after Jamie. 

"H-hey" Kevin said staring at Jamie who looked at him with dead eyes. 

"Good morning." Jamie turned and went for the door handle paused by Kevin.

"Can I give you a ride?" Kevin offered desperately. He knew Jamie's shift didn't start for another thirty minutes, and he lived literally five minutes away in walking.

"I always walk." Jamie turned around again and Kevin huffed in annoyance clearly trying to calm his mind down. 

"Please- we need to talk, Jamie." 

"Not yet." Jamie flung open the door and slammed it shut as he left leaving another cold emptiness between them. 

 

So please take care of my hurt heart  
'Cause trusting you is the hardest part  
You might as well no matter what  
They think I suck...  
But I don't give a fuck 

 

Kevin slammed his head and hands onto the door. He was fucking done with being tired and sad over this. It had only been one day, but this was pure torture to him. What was he doing wrong? Why would Jamie just turn the fucking cold shoulder to him? They needed to have a civil conversation like adults. Kevin had to give him space though, enough until he could actually have a conversation. Maybe that emptiness was helping Jamie, finding out that the whole town is fine with your pan bi or whatever sexuality was relieving. But finding out that everyone would now start hating everything you love and pour time and effort into was like watching your hopes and dreams die slowly. Kevin learned to never fall in love, it only gave him pain. He was willing to try again with Jamie, and for Jamie, he would do anything.

 

All your friends tell you I'm wrong  
But all your friends sing this song

 

Jamie unlocked and walked into the post office after walking around the block a few times, just thinking and kicking rocks. He liked the absence of noise but needed it all the same. Barb walked in not too long after and instantly walked up to him. She was concerned and frightened all the same, she treated Jamie like her child. 

"Are you okay?" She asked gingerly. 

"I'm fine, you?" He nonchalantly let out. But Barb shook her head, she would not have it.

"It's that Kevin boy isn't it? I heard about him and you from Sadie last night, do you need support back up anything like it?"

"Barb, I'm fine everyone's just making such a big deal over nothing!"

"It doesn't sound like nothing..." 

"Well it is! We were fine before! Perfectly fine! Now it's just broken!" Jamie turned on his heels and left the post office with his deliveries for that morning. He was done with everyone just assuming Kevin was horrible. He was done with Kevin accepting it and not trying to make it different. He just wanted reality to be back to normal, before all this complication.

I'm bad at life, I'm bad at life   
I'll give you bad advice because I'm bad at life


End file.
